Bring Me Back To Life
by CarlosAlbuquerque
Summary: A fanfic inspired of one of the worse
1. Chapter 1

The moon's silver light reflected neatly in the calm, stagnated waters of the lake. No cloud was present in the sky, and everything was silent in the night, the air as stagnated as the waters and yet cool, for it was October at the time. On one of the shores of the lake were was a forest, composed of oaks, chestnuts, magnolias, giant ferns and willow trees, with the occasional cypress, pine or gingko, which continued into the water in the form of mangroves. At a certain point the forest was interrupted by cliffs, which began as huge rocks and later became smaller and smaller towards the water, until it ended on some isles in the lake. Then a river formed an interval, with yet another forest beyond it, and then fog took over, leaving the other shore unseen. The already mentioned silence made the landscape look somewhat surreal and mysterious (if not sinister), with the only sound availiable the song of some sort of bird that sounded like diarrhea pouring out of the anal opening. The song was interrupted by an undulation in the water, which indicated the movement of something right beneath the surface, directing itself towards the river mouth. As it propelled itself across the water a faint singing voice could be heard, which may or may not had been singing on Esperanto.

After climbing the river for three miles, the canal was simply too shallow for it continue, and it did not move a centimeter forward. Thats because it didn't need to; it arrived right in front of a little house, made entirely of wood, which was located just a few meters far from the river shore. A platform that would act as a "dock", also made of wood, extended one or two meters into the river, and whatever was underwater had stopped right at its end. Suddenly, bubbles erupted from the water, and a ghastly figure emerged. In the darkness of the night, its features weren't well seen, but one could tell it was a slim man with roughly business-clothes like clothes and with an exaggerately big rectangular hat on top of his head. He moved unto the platform, walking in a slow, steady pace that resembled that of a duck high on drugs. Once he arrived to the house's door, he knocked as if his life depended on it, literally drumming the door. Out of all this noise lights were turned on and the door opened abruptly, throwing the man to the ground at a distance of six meters away from the house's entrance, basically on the platform's end. Out of the said door came a white robed figure, no taller than an average 13 year old child, but who's age was far superior. An old woman she was, with a long silver hair and a green mask on her face, complete with cucumber slices on each eye. She removed them and ate them, revealing her brown spheres. Aside from her white rob, she was completly naked except for her white socks.

"Who the fuck is there!?" she shouted so loud all birds fled, "Show yerself or I'll fuck you up you motherfucking holligan!!!!"

The man, still recovering from his door attack, managed to get up in a clumsy way, almost falling into the water. The woman then took a shotgun from beneath her rob and shot the man between his legs, making him howl in pain. She laughed as the poor creature felt in the water, dying drowned. The agressor then returned to her house; lights were off soonly after, but one could hear her singing "If I were a Boy" on her bedroom, her voice sounding like a cat's scream when raped by a swan.

A few moments later, all one could hear was her own scream, so unlike that of a raped kitten, and certainly more powerfull, for people in Australia could hear it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Even though the prologue was written in a typical narrator way, the story itself is narrated by a character, which, while he shares some traits with me, he's NOT me, and you can see that, specially in his nationality and personal beliefs (as well as age).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so I was sitting on the cliffs, enjoying the sunlight. It was late in the morning, and both the sky and the lake had a bright blue colour, contrasting with the green forests and plains sorrounding it; the air was warm with a light breeze; I like feeling the breeze pass through my skin. Below me the other teenagers swimmed in the water; why anyone would like to swim in waters less than 1ºC beats me, but it must be a scotish thing anyway. I'm not scotish, as you can probably guess; I was born in southern Wales, but I'm truly a cocktail of european ethnicies, with my father being british/german and my mother french/italian. I've been raised in London and through most of my childhood I lived in Britain, with occasional visits to Ireland; that is, until roughly one month ago, when my 14th birthday occured. For some reason my aunt, which disappeared (and hopefully died) back then, had left me with her wooden house in the middle of Scotland, and my mom didn't hesitated and sent me there, where I currently live. Should my father still be alive, he wouldn't let her do that, but considering my only family besides mom is a little brat that encouraged her to send me away, I really had no choice.

However, my mom isn't dumb enough to make me quit school, so she registered me in a random scotish school that was located barely twelve meters away from my house. Its a boring giant castle sort of school, which even a mole could see from my house despiste the temperate rainforest sorrounding it, and with a medieval look and with fucking RPG nerds, which thankfully compose just a mere 20% of the total school population. Its an odd school, with a certain mystical aura, and a not-so-mystical magical willow tree that spanks/rapes the students if they get too close. Not everyone can get in there, and I managed too because of my..."unique" traits, as you'll see. And I'm lucky for not having to share a room within the school, as I sleep in my own house.

Anyway, so was I, enjoying the breeze, in the grassy top of a cliff in a lake's shore. This is probably one of Hogwarts' few features I like, because it reminds me of Ireland's coasts, even though they are tecnically in the sea shore, not in a lake shore. And better still I didn't had to avoid large waves, I could just sit and enjoy the breeze. I was wearing an yellow t-shirt and a rather revealing pair of swimming shorts, shamelessly red and bright, unsual among the blue/black shorts my collegues were using while swimming in frigid waters for no appearent reason other than perhaps getting pneumonia and dying. Not that I cared of course, safe for perhaps a few exceptions that are what you perhaps would call "friends". Whatever, I was just sitting there, enjoying the breeze and the sunshine, as I already mentioned before but mostly I mentioned the breeze and only once the sunshine. My black hair was gently moving with the gentle air currents; I hate cutting my hair, which is probably one of the reasons why I love being away from mom. My hair never grows a lot anyway; individual hairs rarely grow beyond 18 centimeters before falling, so I had a moderate sized head hair. I closed my brown eyes, which also have a shade of green that is only visible when there's plenty of light, and enjoyed the calm and quiet around me. I then delighted myself hearing the sounds of a bird being eaten alive by a wildcat, and once I opened my eyes I saw a student being torned apart by a mermaid. And some how I could feel Hagrid having part of his left upper lip being eaten by a dinosaur. All in all, it was a wonderfull day, and I smiled.

"Hey Rich!" a high pinched voice said behind me, spoiling my plans to enjoy myself.

Oh, and I forgot to say my name. I was "blessed" (actually cursed) with **Richard Reed Baudrier von Scheiße Mussolini Elizabeth's High on Meth**, which frankly isn't a pleasant name to have. No one acually knows anything beyond Baudrier, as I don't wish to be the target of stupid jokes like Dildo Baggins was. Whatever, it is probably just as stupid as Stella Cadella Princez Çolaria, the friend of mine who wanted somehting from me. Hopefully not another of my "wands" (if you know what I mean...). She was a teenager girl one year older than me, appearently of venezuellan ancestry, with a white skin light toned with brown like mine, and probably the most revealing and provocative dress code among all girls of Scotland, even during the winter. She was currently wearing her typical orange bra and skirt, with absolutely no panties whatsoever and her boobs quite visible through the almost transparent bra, so thin it was; she also had two stupid plastic wings on her back. How the hell she managed to get away with that I'll never know, but I guess she must be making "secret favours" to the teatchers. Hell, no guess at all, for its so obvious I can hear it at my own house! Again, I have no idea how she gets away with that; because she's blonde, she's obviously dumb, so its unlikely she plans everything.

"What is it now, worthless slut?" I said, boringly and melancholically, having my enjoy-myself moment ruined.

She giggled; she LOVES being called a slut, because that's what she is after all. Appearently she is unaware about how the society sees sex-crazed chicks, but I guess that doesn't affect her at all, so dumb as she is to understand.

"Well, Lady Gaga will give a concert here in Hogwarts!!!! ISN'T THAT AWSOME!?"

For once her presence made me twist my lips in a smile. I 3 Lady Gaga; she as well as Chad Kruger, Rita Redshoes and the Clepht are among the few people in this world that make music I actually like.

"Hurry up, buy your tickets before they run out! The concert will be in the Forbidden Forest. SEE YA THERE!!!!!!"

Okay Stella, that shout you gave once you went away to buy the tickets at the bathroom was unecessary. Either way, I got up, I dressed my jeans, and I slowly went through the same direction as the fairy, who honestly believed she was flying with those fake wings and jumped in the air, causing her to land disgracefully on a resting jock's lap, her head hitting his genitals hard. I laughed at the elf's pain, and I made my way into the school. Once I've got into the main hall, I made a stop by the lockers; I needed gel for my hair, as I always have a crest (modern type, not 20th century one, which would require cutting my hair) when going to concerts.

Once I've opened my locker and picked the gel spray bottle someone bumped into me and I ended with a gel bottle in the ground and beating my head against the locker's backwall.

"Who the Hell you think you are, motherfucker!? I could've had ruined my hair you bastard!"

I've turned around, and my fury stopped suddenly and was replaced by a sad "I'm sorry look". Because the guy who bumped into me was **John Silver Long**, one of the jocks from the school, and one of the kindest by far. More or less 18 year old, he was well taller than me (I could barely reach his shoulders) and with a nice muscular body, not too muscular too gross me out, just perfect. He also had black hair like mine, with a hair style similar to that of Brendan Fraser in his role as Mo in Inkheart, though longer as he too hates cutting his hair, and with a nice black beard to combine with it, not a little one like mine (which is basically just a bunch of short hair covering my chin, with some sparse hair on my upper throat) but a real man's beard, covering his lower jaw completly and just long enough to make an impression, sorta like Karl Marx's only shorter and well groomed (and yes, there is also a moustache connected to the beard). A beuty spot occured on his left cheek, and he also had two nice brown eyes, of a fully dark brown that served as a nice contrast to my own light brown eyes with a greenish tone. In that precise moment, he had an "Im sorry look" as well, apoligising for bumping into me.

"Sorry, I tried to avoid stepping on a rat that was scavenging on the dirty school floor, but I lost my balanced and I bumped into you. I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you hit the locker's backwall" he said, in a soft and caring voice.

I guess no doubts about my sexuality remain after this. Either way, he made me feel like a girl looking at a sexy man and wetting her pants with vaginal liquids, only that I don't have a pussy you sicko!

"Its okay, it was an accident".

"Even so, I think I need to compensate you somehow. Look, do you wanna go to the concert tonight?"

"Duh!"

"Well, I have two tickets. I wonder if you want too..." he blushed a little at this point, shy as he was

"Of course!"

"Great! Meet me at 20 o'clock when the show begins"

I was so happy I swear I actually did wet my pants, though with pre-cum. John then went away, appearently satisfied with himself as well. In my happiness I didn't noticed my tail had emerged and began wagging. Yes guys, I'm a werewolf, and I'm not dependent on the full moon to transform into an anthro animal, though I actually turn into a ferret. I'd like to call myself "wereferret" or even "furry", but appearently I'm stuck with the term "werewolf", because its "politically correct". So yeah, I'm a werewolf ferret. Makes a lot of sense really. John is also a werewolf, that can turn into a wolverine. In that precise moment I saw his tail, and I knew he was feeling exactly what I was feeling. I was happy to know he also had a crush on me.

Once I went home at 16:00 I began dressing for the concert. I picked some really nice goth clothes I bought at Hot Topic via internet, and I used my favourite platinum earring, which I got thanks to black magic. You see, like most werewolves (and Hogwarts students) I'm a satanist, an actual satanist, not a la veyan, which are atheist posers that infiltrate within us in order to spy for the Evil Atheist Conspiracy. Atheist's are the satanist's major enemies as they are always trying to disprove Satan's existence; only christians are that annoying, and they're not even a threat so weak and retarded as they are.

Once I've cutten my wrists in joy and prayed to the Devil I went to dinner on Hogwarts. I'm part of Hufflepuff, the house where all werewolves are, while all vampires and dragons are on Slytherin, all wizards/elfs/motherfuckers are on Gryffindor and all angels/harpies/owls and Howard the Duck are on Ravenclaw. I've spotted John and he spotted me; he was on his wolverine form, wearing a white A-shirt and a pair of jeans with a black belt in satanical symbols on it. He had a magnificient brown jacket and he had a necklace with a pentagram; an inverted cross was present on his jeans in the area between his legs, and presumably it had the same length as his flacid penis. He took off his red glasses, and stared at me with a warming smile.

"What yer waiting for? Come in!" he said enthusiastically.

I glady joined him, and once I did he placed his arm around me before removing it to return to the frenzy and I looked around; we where both sitting next to Michael Lucas (famous american porn director) and the Road Rovers. Every werewolf was joining the feeding frenzy, and being a special night as it was the best dishes possible on a school were being served. There was plenty of raw meat, mainly of cattle and humans, and every werewolf had the fur sorrounding the mouth red in blood. Everyone was fighting for the best pieces, and the table was a total mess. There were broken glasses everywhere, and the chicken blood they contained (plus mouse heads, in order to make it tastier) were spilled everywhere. Little also remained of the "desert", a cake made of pig cum. Everyone also had their clothes dirty with blood and cum, which made them cooler. Sadly, no matter how many times I tried to enter in the frenzy, I ended up with no food and with my hands biten and chewed. Thank Satan I have a healing factor.

"I noticed how you haven't eaten a lot. So I've gathered some food for you" John said.

I smiled and kissed him in the cheek, making him blush a little. Thank the demons no one was looking, otherwise...

Anyway, I've had my fair share of chicken livers, manatee brains and, best of all, pieces from the pig sperm cake. After I and the wolverine werewolf finished we got out of the table secretly, escaping Dumbledore's boring speeches. He is the most disgusting la veyan ever, pretending all day to be a satanist but being in fact an atheist, as some students found out after finding out he hears Avril Lavigne's songs. Once we two got out of Hogwarts we sat in a bench outside, looking at the lake.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note [as an homage to My Immortal, since this is inspired on it]: If u dunt wanna reed dis den go away! If u h8 dis storey den ur a prep or a posr! Or, to kip wid da storey, an athiest or a la veyan! I wunt updeit till I haz 4 gud reviews!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We've sat on the bench for quite some time, holding our hands (or rather, paws, since we were on our anthro animal forms), as if we were already an official couple; while we both felt the mutual love, we haven't yet confessed our feelings. I rest my head against his shoulder, and he nuzzled me, then proceeding to lick my head fur between my ears.

"Hey fags, are you coming to the concert or not?"

He stopped what we were doing and we looked to our left, where there was Hermione. She had painted her hair, lips and nails black, had dressed "goffic" clothes and had a gorgeous dragon tatoo on her naked navel, plus an inverted cross on each arm and a satanical star on her left knee. She had converted to satanism before I came to Hogwarts, so I never knew her old (and presumably boring) know-it-all personality; now she was a true slut, like Stella Cadella Princez Çolaria, having sex with any boy from Gryffindor and Slytherin.

"Yes. Why, are you jealous for not fucking John?"

John blushed a little, and hold my paw tighter.

"Well, see ya, faggots"

The royal whore then departed, taking with her Lucy Pevensie, another slut like her and possibly her lesbian lover. Fuck, I hate libbies like her, always annoying gay werewolves like me. Bah, who cares about a worthless piece of shit when you have someone like John right next to you, and that not only loves you but takes you to the concert? My wolverine returned to his human form, while I stayed as a werewolf ferret; I could feel he wanted me to stay as so.

"Thanks for taking me to the concert" I said, as sensually as I could

It worked; he blushed, said an "it was the least I could do" crap and then we looked at each other and we kissed for the first time. He was a passionate kisser, penetrating my mouth with his tongue and dominating my own. His saliva tasted just like the pig sperm cake we ate, mixed with all the blood of the meat at the dinner and I could also feel some pieces of cow brain floating in the saliva, and I swallowed them. We continued for a few more minutes until we noticed everyone else had left Hogwarts and he hurried to get into the concert. As mentioned before, the concert would take place in the Forbidden Forest, next to the lake's shore. Once we got there we gave our tickets to Fawks, which looked at us with a weird facial expression. I then growled and I scared the shit out of the stupid bird...literally. We had arrived just in time, because Lady Gaga had just got into the stage. She was completly naked, which made many people take off their pants and masturbate. One guy even attempted to climb the stage to fuck Lady Gaga, but she wiped him off. Then she began playing with her boobs, making the straight boys and lesbians even more frustrated. Only after a full minute of being a jerk she began to sing. Everyone then just gave in to dance, even the horniest studs. My boy grabbed my arm and then he placed my on his shoulders, and I waved my arms and began to sing alongside the croud. The crowning moment of awsome came when Lady Gaga sang the song "Just Dance"; our sexual education teacher, Howard the Duck, got on stage as well. He too was naked and he sang alongside Lady Gaga while fucking her!

Its needless to say so many studs were horny that, after she finished singing, they all climbed to the stage and gangbanged her. During said frenzy I and my first boyfriend walked away, deciding to turn that night into our first romantic moment. We stopped by a cypress tree, right in the shores of the lake. The moonlight reflected on the water, and there was no sound other than the diarrhea bird's song and sounds of the croud fucking (hopefully non-consensually) Lady Gaga, which were low since we've gone quite far way. We both sat next to the tree and John held me in his arms, kissing me tenderly as I licked him (I was still in my ferret form remember?). He passed his hands through my fur while I passed mine through his hair and beard, both soft and nice to put your hands on. We then kissed again, and he layed against the cypress while I took off my clothes. I have a personal fetish of being naked on top of a still clothed man, as I was now. He touched my butcheeks, and my now erect penis was pressed against his own, still trapped on his pants. He then unzipped his jeans and took them off, with now only his boxers separating his cock from mine. I teared it apart with my claws (the boxers, not the penis!)

"Wow, easy tiger"

"I'm not tiger; I'm much more sensual"

Saying that I licked his nose and I stared at his huge penis, which when flacid would likely be of the same length of the inverted cross on his jeans. I then opened my maw, which got close to his pole; I was going to give the first blowjob of my life.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!?!?"

We've both stopped and looked behind us. It was Dumbledore.

"I was just, uh, sucking the poison off John's penis! Yes, 'cos he was bitten by a rattlesnake there!"

"Nice try, but there aren't rattlesnakes on Scotland, faggot! Now get dressed and see me in my office!"

He then turned into Zazu and flew away to Hogwarts. I then turned to my mate, and I felt ashamed.

"Sorry Johny, I didn't want to humiliate you."

"Its okay sweetie. We were just unlucky enough to get that old fart caughting us. Besides, he is so retarded he has Alzheimer, so we'll forget everything once we get there"

I was happy to know my first love interest wasn't mad at me, and I returned to my human form, and I've searched for mine and John's clothes. Once we've got dressed again he hugged me, and then he hold my hand and we went all the way to Dumbledore's office.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Once we reached the old fart's office he accidently caught him masturbating and listening to Take That's "Relight My Fire", which made him embarassed as hell and we laughed so hard I swear I peed a little.

"This isn't funny you fuckers! What do you want anyway?"

"Don't you remember?"

"No, what was it? Did you shit on my closet again? Oh wait, that was Ron Weasley. Or was it Tom Riddle? No, I molested that kid"

"Humm, never mind"

However, once we've turned around to walk away...

"Mister Dumbledore, zese tvo students had gay sex on ze Forbidden Forest"

Once we've turned again we saw Snape and his two body guards, Aslan and Iorek Byrnisson. They are all a gang of worthless la veyan posers, which is made obvious by the fact neither Aslan or Iorek have human forms, as they were lost once they converted to atheism, as when a werewolf converts to another faith/philosophy other than satanism he loses his human form as a punishment from Satan.

"What!? You motherfuckers were fucking on that fucking forest!?"

"Yep, and according to ze lavs of ze Ministery of Magic no one can have gay sex on ze Forbidden Forest, because ve have cameras zere and frankly zat's gross"

"You fucking faggots, you deserve to be...who are you?"

"Oh my fucking God...vait, I has no God! I mean I has Satan, ya ya"

So we two just escaped from being spanked, leaving the neo-nazi fuckers to restore Dumbledore's memory


	4. Chapter 4

I and John went to his room, the Hufflepuff dormitory. It was empty, because the other werewolves were still outside gangbanging Lady Gaga or just having fun in other ways; I even saw an entire pack gang-raping Harry Potter and the other fuckers. This gave me an instant erection.

"I see you need some attention down there."

"No, but you do!"

Saying that I, despiste being smaller and obviously well less musculated, tossed my boyfriend to his bed, causing him to laugh. Then I climbed on top of him and I french kissed him; I returned to my ferret form and he assumed his wolverine one. The environment couldn't had been more romantic: the wall were covered in piss strains and blood, and there was a strong smell of rooting flesh and plenty of posters of Good Charlotte, Green Day, Linkin Park and Moony as well as many other bands and singers such as Lady Gaga and David Fonseca, all favoured by satanists like us. I heard a noise and I got off my mate. Hedwing the owl was resting outside the window; I silently aproached it and, with my quick mustelid reflexes, I caught the bird and I broke its neck. I then decapitated it and I placed its head on a nearby chair. I then soaked my fingers with the bird's blood and I wrote "I luv u" on the wall, just for my sweet heart, who grabbed me for another french kiss. I then grabbed the owl's body and we ate it, alongside the head. I enjoyed specially the eyes, so juicy and bloody. Nothing but the blood soaked feathers, beak and talons remained.

We then dropped to the bed again, me on top once more, and we kissed. I love the taste of owl blood mixed with John's saliva, and I swear I could taste the bird's stomach fluids. We undressed, removing everything but the socks; I love white socks, they make me horny beyond belief. John's cock, already erect, was the same size as his human cock, but had a nice shealth, and his balls were covered in black fur. I then did what I hadn't the chance to do before, and even for my first time I appearently sucked well. I even deep-throated him; I've trained on other werewolves for quite some time. He moaned quite loud, and I was afraid Snape and his la veyan sluts discovered. I then stopped, and I turned around, my butt right in front of his face. Thus, when I was sucking him he rimmed me, his tongue penetrating my virgin asshole. I moaned and after ten minutes I decided it was enough and I positioned myself above his pole. Lubed as I was, I impaled myself and I moaned once my prostate was stimulated with all that pressure and heat. I then moved up and down, and we were both experiencing the most pleasurable moment of our lives. Being stimulated as he was, he came inside of me within one minute. I felt insatisfied, so he pawed me off. I came after two minutes on his belly. We then went to the Hufflepuff bathroom, a dirty place that smelled like bullshit. We then turned the showers on, and we had more sex on the showers. He stopped once other werewolves appeared, bringing with them a sexy musky smell that turned me on again. However, I didn't want to have more sex, so I began to get worried once a tiger werewolf grabbed my ass.

"Fuck off Ron Weaseley! He's mine" said John, defending me against the tiger.

"Fine. But if you guys want to share, call me" Ron said, licking his furry lips.

You see, Ron had once a pefectly normal family, but his father (who was a vampire) got emo and depressed, so he raped his children and cut his wrists and bled to death, so Ron, Ginny and the twins all recurred to satanism and were expelled from Griffindor. Because Ron turned into a werewolf, he went to Hufflepuff, as Slytherin only accepts vampires and dragons. Ron now uses the nickname Diabo.

In the next morning I woke up in John's bed, where he had slept in our human forms. I've seen some other werewolves still sleeping in their beds, but John was nowhere to be seen. I then looked for my clothes, and I found them all in the beds of the other werewolves. I smelled them. Those idiots had masturbated with my clothes! Still, I was forced to wear them; hopefully no one would notice the smell of tiger, fox, wolf, kangaroo, cougar, raccoon, raccoon dog, otter and bat cum. I then got out of the fucking room, going for breakfast. As I walked to the meal room many stupid la veyan preps gave me weird stares, probably noticing the cum. I then showed them my middle finger, and they fled in terror. On the way to the gigantic cantine I meet Hermione, Lucy and Stella, which appearently had a lesbian orgy yesterday.

"Hi fag" greeted Hermione

"Hi whore, what's up?"

"We where planning to buy some stuff in Hot Topic. Do you wanna...hell, did you had sex?"

"Yup"

"AAAAHHH!!! TELL US TELL US!!!!!!!" screamed the trio, all of them yaoi girls obviously

"Well, it was with John..."

"John Silver Long, the major hottie everyone wants to be raped by?"

"Yes, that one"

"You lucky motherfucker!"

"Yep, I'm a fortunate bastard"

We all then walked together to the meal hall, and then we walked to our respective tables, Hermione and Lucy to Slytherin and Stella to Ravenclaw, while I went to Hufflepuff. There I saw my mate, who smiled at me.

"Hey there" I said while I sat down.

My breakfast consisted of a bowl of cereals made of leather soaked not in milk, but in whale cum. I took a glass of blood and I put one or two drops on the cum. Many preps looked at me with a digusted look; I showed them my middle finger. Then Diabo appeared, and took a sit right in front of me, and gave me a naughty look. John then assumed his wolverine form and growled at him. Then came Neville Longottom; he too was banned from Gryffindor and joined Hufflepuff, 'cos he converted to satanism and became a werewolf. He was in his wolf form, and grabbed an owl that passed above him and ate it, tearing the bird's body apart with his jaws. The sight of blood running down his muzzle gave me an erection, and John came closer to me, just in case the other werewolves tried anything.

Then Dumbledore came into the room, and he sat on his throne.

"Bitches, I have something to announce. Because my Alzheimer is becoming problematic, I'm going to withdraw for a while, and instead I will leave my friend the Prime Minister of Magical Magic incharge"

Then came another old man, but not an ugly one; instead, he was sexy, and reminded me of John Hurt, with his grey hair and and short, spiky grey beard and moustache. He came close to Dumbledore and they shook hands, before he took his place in another throne, by kicking out Minerva McGonagal.

"Hello everyone, I'm the Minister of Magical Magic and my name is Cornelius Fuck. I'm going to make some changes around here, so if you don't like them fuck off!"

We sensed something fishy was going on, and if necessary not even Cornelius Fuck's sexyness wouldn't save him from our wrath. And then Dumbledore looked at him again.

"Who are you?"

"Oh my God not again! Guards, take him to Azkaban!"

Then the dementors took the old fart away. Cornelius Fuck then took Dumbledore's place, and Minerva returned to her own throne, with a murderous look in her eyes. Only that she was looking at us, not at Cornelius.

"You insolent brats! Throwing me off my throne like that!"

"What!?" said everyone from Slytherin and Hufflepuff.

"Yes you! Everyone's gonna have a detention!"

"But thats unfair, it was Cornelius!" said Hermione

"How do you dare insulting me!? See me in my office. You and that sexy werewolf over there, next to the big guy!"

Oh. My. Satan!!!!!!! That was me! Needless to say, my mate got outraged and growled.

"If you're gonna take him then you shall take me too!"

"Fine, you win." Cornelius said, very upset.

"And Hermione's won't go with you either!"

"I don't mind too"

We then finished our breakfast and left; many of the stupid preps at Griffindor and Ravenclaw sighed sadly, as I wasn't punished as they expected.


	5. Chapter 5

After some more sexings at my house me and John had to separate because we had different classes before lunch. He went to the potions class, while I went to the dark magic/occult class. This is obviously my favourite class, because it ha the coolest teacher in this whole fucking castle school: Johan Krauss! One of the very few satanist teachers in Hogwarts (though there are a lot of la veyan preps), was once an atheist philosopher (ew!), but converted to satanism in his visit to France and joined the nazi party in Germany with some dude called Hellboy. Eventually he grew tired of blowing christian, atheist and jew heads and went to Oireland, where he became the teacher he is now. He moved here to Hogwarts one or two months before I arrived, and we became good friends. Too bad he's reduced to a ghost in a walking suit, 'cos I'd love him to fuck me.

"Come in Rick, I've been vaiting for you! I could not start a lesson wizout my favourite student!"

I smiled and I went to sit next to some random prep from Griffindor. Today Johan Krauss was wearing his favourite suit, a magnificient black and red astronaut sort of thing. He had an inverted vatican symbol on the chest (confirming his status as a satanist cardinal) and inverted crosses on his arms and legs, with satanical hieroglyphs everywhere on his suit. His helmet was decorated with the words "Fook U!" and a badger and a snake killing a lion and an eagle, an homage to Hufflepuff and Slytherin.

"Attention class, today ve are studying something very important! Ve are going to learn how to summon ze Hogvarts Gods!"

"Really!?" I said excited

"You can bet your ass ve vill kiddo!"

"Yay!" em and the other satanists screamed in joy

When we did that many fucking preps stared at us confused or with "so-what?" looks. Mr. Krauss showed them his middle finger in name of us the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins. Then a very retarded hindu prep girl called Parvati Patil said:

"What are "Hogwarts' Gods"? Surely they are much less important than me"

This enraged Johan so much that smoke came out of his helmet's openings.

"VAT!? How do you dare being so rude!? If you knew anything you'd shut up you vhore!"

Stupid Parvati got sad and began to cry. Nobody (not even the other preps) cared.

"Anyvay, ze Gods of Hogvarts are a very important part of our history and I hope all of you understand zeir importance and significance. As you may know, Hogvarts vas founded by Satan when Jesus Christ vas born. After he built the castle he hired four random roman soldiers to guard ze castle and prepare the eventual arrival of the Anti-Christ. Zose soldiers vere Godric Motherfucker, Rovena Vhore, Helga Avsome and Oliveira Salazar. Zey served so vell zeir purpose zat ze Dark Lord turned zem into deities, and granted zem ze names of Gryffinfor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Now it is our duty to pay zem homage for zeir magnificient vork and zat's vy ve..."

Then we noticed that all the preps from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw had fallen asleep. How insolent! Poor Mr Johan sighed.

"Vy exactly zese ignorant preps/la veyans are velcomed into such a great school as Hogvarts I cannot understand. Vhen Hufflepuff and Slytherin vere mortals zey fought against ze atheists and christians, and yet ve allow zem into our noble school! Damned are you stupid Dumbledore! Scheiße!!!"

"Don't feel bad mister, we are still listening to what you say"

Saying that I got up and hugged Johan Krauss. And he hugged me back

"Oh, thanks Rick, you're ze best student a satanist can have!"

I smiled and I then returned to my sit. Happy and proud again, Mister Krauss opened a hole in his suit's middle finger and part of his essence came out as white smoke (he is still working on a way to turn it black, green or red), which passed through the air until it reached Parvati Patil's ear. It then went inside until it reached her stupid hindu brain. Suddenly, Parvati woke up and screamed on top of her lungs, waking the other preps that were sleeping. She then got off her sit and began running around like an ostrich. Everyone laughed, and then she took off her clothes and began masturbating with a pencil. She only stopped when the essence came out and returned to Johan's suit (but, of course, none of the preps noticed), leaving the student alone, but she was still naked. Everyone was laughing and some studs were masturbating at her sight, leaving her so embarassed she began to cry.

"Parvati I'm very disappointed at you" said Krauss, pretending he wasn't responsible

"But it wasn't me! It wasn't me..."

Parvati began to cry again, and then Snape entered the room. The sight of seeing an underage girl undressed made him horny and so he forgot about why he came to the room and raped Parvati, much to the dismay of other males who also wanted to rape her. Anyway, Johan Krauss wanted to continue the lesson, so he took everyone else outside. We stopped next to our satanist chapel, which looks like a typical pathetic christian chapel but it has an iverted cross, and some hieroglyphs and a large pentagram at its door. Out of it came the satanical nun Porra, also known as Po. She is the last of the teletubie race, one of the highest orders of demons prior to their near extinction at the hands of atheists. She greeted us.

"Hi guys, what are you doing today?"

"Hello Miss Porra, ve are going to summon Hogvart's Gods"

"Oh good! Here, come in!"

He entered the chapel; there a retarded baby sun appeared, but Po impaled him with a dildo and threw him outside. I was very excited; finally I would have a chance to meet with Hufflepuff!

"Okay kids, pay a lot of attention because I am going to show how to summon a god. First, you need four christians, three of them white and another black. Zen you shall sacrifice zem at ze altars of Hogvarts, which are four places: zis chapel, ze fountain, ze obelisk and ze church. Zen you shall kill zem according to ze god's demands. For example, to summon Ravenclaw you shall kill ze nigger in the obelisk by piercing his lungs, while to summon Hufflepuff you shall pick one of ze white guys and borrow him and suffocate him with earth. Before you kill your christian brand him wiz ze Illuminati symbol of Earth/Air/Fire/Water, depending on ze victim. Zen say "Fuck Dan Brown!" and your god shall appear. Good luck!"

"But how do we obtain our christians?"

"Nothing is as simple. Ve shall go to ze Bible Belt to collect out victims! Miss Porra, if you wish..."

"Sure! Suinus Influenza!"

And then a portal opened. It lead directly to the Bible Belt, one of the two countries USA was divided into after the WWIII (the other being the Divided Nations of Canada). We went through the portal and we end up in the middle of a town. It was absolutely digusting, with a primitive architecture that I swear it dates from the 30's and full of crosses and christian churches and other horrible things that thankfully are rare in the rest of the word. And then we saw the natives. They were fucking walking and talking vegetables! Two of them, an odd pair composed by a tomato and a cucumber, walked to us, both bearing a nauseous stupid look and smile! I actually vomited on them, and Krauss patted my back, trying to comfort me.

"I guess someone's not eating enough veggies!" said the cucumber smiling.

"Fuck, are you cannibals or what!?" I said, then vomiting again

"That wasn't very nice! You're a very rude boy" said the tomato, now upset

"As if I cared, shitball of salad"

"My name is Bob (and the cucumber is Larry, by the way), and if you continue down this path God will punish you"

I laughed, and once I stopped the stupid preps from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw looked at me with a pissed off face, completly agreeing with what the aberrations of nature had said. Krauss then showed them the middle finger, and so did Hermione and the other satanists that had come along. This signal hadn't passed unnoticed to the veggies.

"YOU'RE A SATANIST!? BURN IN HELL FAG!"

"Don't make me laugh salad!"

"Thou shalt be stoned to DEATH, as all infidels are!"

Saying that, the tomato, the cucumber and the rest of their friends tried to stone us, but then they realised they have no hands to throw us anything, so we simply killed them and turned them into salad. I only eat vegetables in my human form (as mustelids can't digest plant matter), but I always need cum to give it flavour. Thus, Krauss kindly caught an opossum and masturbated it on my salad, made out of Bob the tomato's remains. Then, once we finished eating the vegetables...

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE!?"

It was Chuck Norris, one of the few christians that pose a threat. I got scared, as I heard many rumours of how he caught satanists and atheists alike and gutted them. He is also famous for being a millitant homophobic and he noticed I was gay! He was coming closer, with a very angry look on his eyes, and I feared for my life. Secretly, many of the preps were cheering, and I showed them my middle finger. Then I noticed Chuck Norris was just a few meters away from me!

"Prepare to die fag!"

"Only under my rooten suit you Arschloch!" said Krauss while placing himself in front of me

"Fuck I hate germans! They deserve to die those atheists/satanists!"

That was it

"You did a very big mistake vhen you threatned my student, but you shall never, but never, MISTAKE AN ATHEIST FOR A SATANIST!!! And I don't like americans either!"

Chuck Norris got red in rage, and punched Krauss, breaking his helmet. Big mistake: the ghost possessed his body, and made Chuck Norris punch himself till he lost all conscience and became totally under Johan's control.

"Vell, vhat a nice body! Its a shame ve'll have to sacrifice it in name of our lesson."

"Well, while you are possessing that body, could you please fuck me?"

Johan Krauss looked confused.

"Don't you have a bf?"

"Well yeah, but he doesn't mind if I have sex with a teacher. Besides, I like you very much and I might never have the chance of having sex with you again, so..."

Krauss then kissed me passionately. Its rather ironic that the body that before wished to kill me was making me horny!

"Students, I'm going to show you how to properly fuck a ferret verewolf. Do not leave or else..."

Just to make sure they didn't left he made a spell that turned the legs of the preps into rock. The stupid idiots then began to cry, while satanists began anticipating what would happen; I would never allow them to fuck me, for I love my mate very much, but at least they could masturbate looking at me. Even Po got a christian cross to masturbate with!

"To be honest Rick I alvays vanted to have sex viz you. You're the best student I ever had, and if John didn't got you first I would claim you as my mate"

I felt very flattered, and I kissed my teacher's lips. Then I turned into my ferret form and I took off my clothes. Krauss simply ripped off his, as he was only temporarily in that body anyway. I the got myself on my knees, and I opened my mouth. With one swift motion Johan placed his erect cock in my mouth; they he garbbed my head and began thrusting on my tight muzzle. Chuck Norris has a small cock, but I enjoyed it anyway. He came after a minute or two. I swallowed all of his load, as I always do. After he released my head I turned around, rising my ass and tail high. He then rubbed his now lubed pole in my ass, and he fucked me. He grabbed my hips and thrusted hard and fast, and I moaned all along, my prostate on fire. Eventually he came and flooded my bowels, and my seed felt in the soil. A small plant germinated.

After we cleaned we managed to find the remaining necessary christians, and we returned to Hogwarts.


End file.
